To Blog or Not to Blog

I truly have been thinking and praying, praying and thinking about this blog for almost a year now. And it's been 6 months since I have really wrestled with the thought. One day I'm all for it and wanting to write a million posts, and then the next day I worry that it will take too much time away from my family. I keep asking God what he wants, and I have even had Him "answer" my prayers in a very real way, only to have doubts flood my head the next day that it would be a terrible idea.

I'm sure it's hard to understand the struggle over a very simple little blog. I know my weakness and I don't want to see my family suffer from it. I don't want this to be a distraction. I want it to be a memory for my children.

And here is the small story of how God "showed" me that I should write this blog.

Back in August, we had been given a swallowtail caterpillar from our dear friends and it had formed a chrysalis. We were patiently awaiting for the butterfly to emerge. It was the night before Zelie's birthday, the Feast of the Transfiguration, and I saw the chrysalis beginning to change colors. I immediately thought what a wonderful birthday present that would be for Zelie the next day, and of course, I wanted to take pictures and had thoughts of blogging the experience. Then I thought how perfect it would be for it to happen on the Transfiguration, when Christ showed the apostles His Glorified Self. The butterfly represents the Resurrected Christ since it "dies" and hides in the chrysalis and then emerges in a much more beautiful and wonderful form, just like Christ emerged from the Tomb resurrected. I got so excited about the idea that I said a little prayer, "Jesus, if this blog is something you would like me to do, please let the butterfly emerge on the Feast tomorrow."

Sure enough, the butterfly emerged on Zelie's birthday, the Feast of the Transfiguration.

 So, two months later, I'm finally fulfilling my bargain with God.

As for the name of this blog, I have chosen it partially because so many others I thought of have already been taken! But, I want to always remember that the only thing that I can work towards on this earth that I can "bring" with me to Heaven are the souls of my children. That is the only thing I can co-create with God and take with me. As Zelie's patron, Blessed Zelie Martin (soon to be saint!!!) said, "I wish to have many children so that I could raise them for Heaven."

God has shown me His Goodness in answering this prayer, and so I'm trusting that this is His Will.

Jesus, I trust in You!